Grand Theft Auto is ruining my sex life.

All Matt and I have done since Christmas is play Left 4 Dead and watch the office. I dream of office zombies. 
Ew I smooshed a bug on my monitor.

 In the past three weeks I've found out I have a tumor (banine!), my dad was diagnosed with coronary artery disease, we found out he's been having silent heart attacks and that some of his arteries are hardly useable and now, on December 4th, my dad is going to have heart surgery.
There are no words to describe how scary this is. How guilty I feel for so many things and the irrational thoughts that are going through my mind daily.
Being strong for the rest of my family is getting harder every day.

 I am... moving in with my boyfriend, officially. Unofficially we've been living together (ie, I just never go home) for the past three months. Now it seems, there is no more ignoring the issue and I have to grow up and keep my stuff in the same room/ house as a boy.. a boy that I am dating. My bed is no longer.. MY bed. Which is really just the oddest feeling to me. To call a bed "our bed" instead of "mine". The point isn't that I'm scared. I mean, the past three months have gone well, so I have reassurance that nothing disasterous is going to happen as soon as we move in together. It's really just the growing up factor. I've never liked someone enough to think that it would be a good idea to move in with them. It's like all of a sudden we're moving in with significant others and friends are having babies. When did this happen? Were we not JUST in highschool?
In other news I'm going back to school (finally!) in January. Finances are figured out (not that I'll be living in luxary). I'm so excited, five months seems like an eternity. 

Stay tuned for the kitty Matt and I are picking up on Saturday.

I'm waiting for Gabby to pick me up to go get bubble tea and Matt is being weird. So here I am, updating eljay.
I work as a receptionist at a law office now. The money is good, there is a lot of talk of "moving up"... and that thought terrifies me. I can't really just say "Oh, well, I plan to be in school by then", so I have to pretend I'm interested. As if working with patents an trademarks for the rest of my life is a appealing thought.
So basically my life is looking forward to the day that I don't open up people's mail for a living.
Until then, I'll drink every weekend and have bubble tea adventures as my high point of the weeks.

I will never stop decorating Easter Eggs.

My insurance payment went through (or didn't?) two minutes ago. I left Matt's house insuring that I had my bank card in my pocket and rushed to the bank, arriving with twenty minutes to spare... Only to find my bank card was not there. Nor was my wallet.
Either my boyfriend is a savvy thief or life hates me. Seriously, how does this happen?

I chose to spend my extra income on cigarettes instead of phone payments the past two months.. Thus resulting in my phone being cut.
Wow, I feel like a big loser.
So don't text/phone me expecting a response. It will be back up soon..ish. Depending if I got paid for my sick days this time or if they fucked it all up again.

I don't know what it means or stands for and I don't really care. I work Tuesdays through Saturdays anyway, so Mondays are always my version of Sunday. The only thing that was special about this Monday was that Museums were open (they're usually closed on Mondays)... and Coras was especially busy.
So I spent family day with Gabby (we live together.. that counts?), Jenna and Matt. We went to Coras and then visited the dinosaurs at the Museum of Nature.





It was lots of fun.

My new phone came with a surprise.



and an update about my life.
-I feel like  a loser being out of school. I know that I'm going to be more succesful when I go back because of the time I'm taking off, but seriously, it feels a little empty.
- Regardless, I am happy.
- I have come to terms, accepted and embraced my past. Finally.
-Despite this, I still have not been able to bring myself to write freely about it and admit it on here. There have been countless drafts, It's lame because no one really reads this anyway.
- I no longer wake up to the thought of "I'm not going to eat today". A definite plus.
- I feel intelligent without having someone idolize me
- I might possibly have feelings for someone I could never (for moral reasons) be with. repressrepressrepresssss
-I miss Marisa every day of my life.
-I went to a drag show tonight and it was aammmmazinggg.